My Own Dream World.

>Friday, May 25, 2007

*[[ > ]]*

Woman!
I wanna know whats yr frigging problem.
Just because i go for comps and training it means cant manage my time wisely?
What fucking idiot stupid nabei reason is that?
what the hell is yr problem man.
i got 24 ok. which is like. way above the class average,
and they didn't have compeitions.
So whats yr fucking prob? Its not good enough?
you want me to get all A's then you'll say i'm MANAGING my time?!
WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT FROM ME?
SO U THINK EVERYONE IS DAMN SMART?!
Stop writing comments like u fucking know me.
I need to use my report book to DSA one!
NABEI.

So what if you have her on your side?!
you are still a piece of shit no matter what she says about you.
yeah, just keep telling me all the great things about her.
yeah, just keep sucking up to her will you?
you'll piss me off soon enough.
and i'll seriously thank her for being there for you.

>My Fears left at 8:49 PM

>Sunday, May 13, 2007

*[[ >haha. its over..? ]]*

O_O? EXAMS ARE OVER.
sorry, kinda. SLOW. oh wells.. as usual rite? haha.
i'm lazy to blog.
please note tt the last post wasnt done by me.
Oh yeah, since when i go around saying i MUG. =X
which means.. i haven blog in.. like.. mths? haha.
Ok.. i'll give u a BRIEF update on my exams n all the shyt we did. haha.

ok! 1st paper. eng paper.
ohh!! i smartly dint leave 3 lines. i left 1 line after each question. am i smart or am i smart? haha. i realised n dint borther to recopy. haha. i'm going to fail english~ lalala~ who's smart idea was it just to give compre n summary? thankyou very much. haha. i guess if i fail english i dont wanna go NJC anymore. haha. oh wells. just dont gimme 0 for not leaving lines would ya? haha. Ok.. its like.. 50% chance of pasing i guess.. =X

ok.. 2nd paper. CHINESE.
HOOO!! chinese paper was G-R-E-A-T. haha. i'm totally going to fail this. its like.. 30% chance of passing ok! haha. i screwed my letter writting. haha. suppose 2 write.. "why, effects and solution" i smartly wrote.. "why and solutions" i dint write effects. oh man.. tis is call smart compo. haha i realised it of cause. dint really had time to go n edit. also, adding a para in makes my letter look friggin ugly. haha. ok.. COMPO... haha. GREAT! i wrote my longest essay EVER. its like.. 2 1/2 sides ok! a M-A-J-O-R accomplishment. haha. but i dint write my conclusion. so smart. i only realised tt like 1min b4 the paper ends.. so i guess i dint really have time.. so dint bother. haha. smart me.. ohh!!~~ MAKE ME MEMORISE my"zhong shang suo mi" wah lao. kaoz. end up cannot use. ARGH. oh anyway.. the paper.. was REALLY FUN! i did the close passage in like.. 5 min.. n dint borther. lalala. i'm going to get 0 0 0 0 0 ^^. ok.. i tell u what. CHINESE IS A REAL GUESSING GAME. IF YOU R LUCKY, YOU'LL PASS. so i'll pray that it was my lucky day. hah.

Oh! nxt was what...???? er...?? SS?!
haha. it was ok larh i guess. can pull of a pass or maybe not..? 40%.... haha. my SEQ was SHIT. i nv knew it can be so VAGUE. i dint noe what 2 write ok. end up i gave up n handed in 1/2 an essay. haha. how smart.

O~ emaths. haha. i dunno what i'll get ok. seeing my marks will make me puke. haha. i bet i had alot alot alot of careless mistake. haha. my TM ok. ^^ i betta get rid of it soon. haha. ok.. paper 1 was shyt. paper 2 was ok larh. arh. my maths T_T. i dont think i can get A1 liao. fuck it. =x ok.. stop cursing. =X Ok.. i guess even if i dont get A1 i deserve it? haha. i dint even touch my Emaths book. smart me. over confident? haha. no lah! i rather study GEOG.

Geog? haha. why did they put emaths n GEOG together. dumb asses. oh wells.. i guess its for smart ppl like me who rather study geog cos studying Emaths is a waste of time. haha. GEOG is FUN ok! i dint touch plate techtonics. or wateva its called. haha. i tot it was in the MCQ! wah! end u come out structured essay. haha. i bluffed my way through. then cel told me she wrote sumthing about "subduction" i was like.. WAT?!?!?!?! my whole essy no haf. haha. so smart. ^^ I"M DEAD. haha. but the others were not really that bad. had stuff to write. aha. i mght be able to pull of a pass i guess. ah.. my handwriting for geog is really damn funny. its like.. NICE n BIG at the start.. then it got messier n smaller (original size). haha. then i tried to write bigger again! ahha. so its like FRIGGIN messy. but who cares? eh? who cares! exams exams~~

why the hell am i giving a report about my exams? eh? haha. i just think that ppl who crap tt they will FAIL all is friggin irritating. i had enuff of you ppl... crap n crap. end up get so high. nabei one..ok. ok. stop cursing. ARGH.~ so i'm here to give u my HONEST view of the Midyear exams.

Oh! CHEM WAS SOO FUn. 1hr paper. oh man! it RAWKED. it was totally guessing game. haha think i can pass. =/ but some1 told me 1/2 the class failed. haha. but i think i can pass? AYE. its so UNPREDICTABLE! arh. =X who cares.. OH! chem ask wat does baking powder consist of? wah crap. like hell i noe?! its not in the friggin CHEM TB! I SWEAR! (i think, prove otherwise). haha!! I DONT BAKE. or COOK. wateva larh arh. =X

OK. i'm lazy.. =X
Add math.. ok larh.. should be able to pass i think. haha. i guess? =X i dont wanna get F9 anymore. haa. =X
History.. it was better then SS. i think i passed the paper. ^^ haha. Maybe jusT MAYBE. it will pull up my SS marks..
Physics.. OH MAN! the paper was totally sh!ted. i mean.. i knew how 2 do.. but.. its like.. shit. n i just realised sumthing... they asked for FORCE. i put "J" as the unit. how smart seh.. its N! ahhh. =X okays who cares. wazzup wif the AC generator. =X i dont even noe wat its called. haha. i think can pass larh arh. but my A1 still gone. =X so much for going out.. so excited until i dint really study for physics. ALL BLAME JANE! ^^ =X (just dont read this jane)

>My Fears left at 1:17 AM

>Thursday, May 03, 2007

*[[ >ExAmS eXaMs ExAmS!!!! ]]*

been very long since i posted.. what to do?? exams, preparations for o levels and many other exams especially now.. our mid-term.. ARGH!!! just emphazing the point.. xD its quite stressful.. especially when i have to be doing my work and am on msn answering chats and stuff.. though sometimes i would take my time to reply cos IM STUDYING.. too bad.. my studies is more important than to be chatting on msn you see.. i have so much aspirations.. wanna get to the place i can belong to.. YEAH!!!

as for now its just gonna be pure studying and mugging.. wait.. its the same i forgot.. hahaz.. XD
just wish and pray that i would do well for my chemistry paper tomorrow and i hope i would do well.. yeah.. nothing much for me to say though.. time for me to have a sleepy good time.. and have a chocolatey dream..

to all my classmates and friends doing exams!!! GD LUCK AND JIA YOU.. XD

>My Fears left at 11:58 PM

>Saturday, March 24, 2007

*[[ >I have to admit something.. ]]*

Ok.. Dude.
This is my only excuse that i can come up with.
"I WAS BORN THIS WAY"
God made me THIS WAY!
IQ Level : Higher then Average.
EQ Level : Lower then Average.
I took so many tests and it all said the same thing -_-

Know what the hell this means..?
A person with low EQ :
Doesn't take responsibilities for his feelings; but blames you or others for them.
Can't put together three word sentences starting with "I feel..."
Can't tell you why she feels the way she does, or can't do it without blaming someone else.
Attacks, blames, commands, criticized, interrupts, invalidates, lectures, advises and judges you and others.
Tries to analyze you, for example when You express your feelings.
Often begins sentences with "I think you..." Sends "You messages" disguised as "I feel messages" For example, "I feel like you......"
Lays guilt trips on you.
Withholds information about or lies about her feelings. (Emotional dishonesty)
Exaggerates or minimizes her feelings.
Lets things build up, then they blow up, or react strongly to something relatively minor.
Lacks integrity and a sense of conscience.
Carries grudges; is unforgiving.
Doesn’t tell you where you really stand with her.
Is uncomfortable to be around.
Acts out her feelings, rather than talking them out.
Plays games; is indirect or evasive.
Is insensitive to your feelings.
Has no empathy, no compassion.
Is rigid, inflexible; needs rules and structure to feel secure.
Is not emotionally available; offers little chance of emotional intimacy.
Does not consider your feelings before acting.
Does not consider their own future feelings before acting.
Is insecure and defensive and finds it hard to admit mistakes, express remorse, or apologize sincerely.
Avoids responsibility by saying things like: "What was I supposed to do? I had no choice!
Is pessimistic and often believes the world is unfair.
Frequently feels inadequate, disappointed, resentful, bitter or victimized.
Locks herself into courses of action against common sense, or jumps ship at the first sight of trouble.
Avoids connections with people and seeks substitute relationships with everything from pets and plants to imaginary beings.
Rigidly clings to her beliefs because she is too insecure to be open to new facts.
Can tell you the details of an event, and what they think about it, but can't tell you how she feels about it.
Uses her intellect to judge and criticize others without realizing she is feeling superior, judgmental, critical, and without awareness of how her actions impact others' feelings.
Is a poor listener. Interrupts. Invalidates. Misses the emotions being communicated.
Focuses on "facts" rather than feelings.

Ok.. this is the EXTREME end of it.. I'm slightly below average ok?! means i'm not really here nor there but more here. =X So this is my pathetic excuse to you =) I finally found out why i'm different from the rest. Pretty good to finally figure it out. I rest my case. =)

MY CLIQUE was right. haha. I DO HAVE LOW EQ! Except they said i have LOW EQ base on the fact i dont noe where scallops come from. AND that's IQ! General Knowledge. LOL. =X OH wells.

>My Fears left at 12:57 AM

>Thursday, March 15, 2007

*[[ >Kaze Story. ]]*

Check back,
I said i was leaving...
U dint understand..
I dint bother to explain..

Dude, you know i'm busy rite?
You knew it all along..
Somehow..

Nvm, i'm too lazy to do this anymore
Cya around. =)

>My Fears left at 2:42 PM

>Tuesday, March 13, 2007

*[[ >Tribute. ]]*

Its just that, i grew up like that.
No one really bothered about me.
I never had to tell anyone anything..
I perfected the art of wearing a disguise.
By not caring about anything,
I found my only escape route.
I kept my image as the "cool" kid.
One that does not have anything to care
Or just cant be bothered with anything.

Then you came in..
Tons of questions poured..
I dint want to face reality.
I desperatly wanted to escape.
It was a daily interrogation
I could never find the right way of expressing.
Plus the constant fear of judgement...

So, i ran..
Sorry dude,
The naive me thought that
It was the only thing i could do.
To me, the only way i could pull through..
was to run.. run from you,
run from anything and everything..
Even though i was sometimes free,
I dint have the courage to face you..

Though I understand your point of view..
You didnt want to be left out.
You wanted to show u cared..
You wanted to show that u will always be there for me..

Sorry dude,
I dint haf the guts to share.
It was a secret between my mind, body and soul.
Till now.. it remains a secret.
Even though i knew that by keeping it from you..
You will get hurt..
But, i still chose to do it..
i wanted to run. i need to run. i must run.

I still wanted to ask you..
but dint haf the guts..
and ended up saying "nvm"
I'll just type it here..
Through it all..
Why couldnt you just comfort me..
Lending a shoulder to cry on..
Without asking about anything?
Why did i feel a need to run from you?
I should be just running away from my problems from the start.

Tribute to you, doubt you will ever see it.
And i dint translate it, dont be dumb.

直到爱消失　你才懂得　去珍惜身边每个
till love fades you will understand to value every
美好风景　只是他早已离去
wonderful scenery but he has already left
直到你想通　他早已经　不再对你留恋
till you are convinced, he's already gone and has no recollection of you
最后的你　开始了一段挣扎
the ultimate you start a passage of struggle
你那么爱他　为什么不把他留下
you really love him, why not keep him back
为什么不说心里话
why not reveal your mind's thoughts
你深爱他　这是每个人都知道啊
you profoundly love him and everyone knows that
你那么爱他为什么不把她留下
you really love her why not keep him back
是不是你有深爱的两个他
is it there's two sides of him that you profoundly love
所以你不想再让自己　无法自拔
thus you are reluctant to let yourself be entrenched deeply in it
你那么爱他　为什么不把他留下
you really love him why not keep him back
为什么不说心里话
why not reveal your mind's thoughts
你深爱他　这是每个人都知道啊
you profoundly love him and everyone knows that
你那么爱他为什么不把她留下
you really love him why not keep her back
是不是你有深爱的两个他
is it there's two sides of him that you profoundly love
所以你不想再让自己　无法自拔
thus you are reluctant to let yourself be entrenched deeply in it

-Not answering any questions-
Dont fuck me just coz there's chinese in my blog -_-

>My Fears left at 1:14 AM

>Saturday, February 03, 2007

*[[ > ]]*

I've Changed
I know that..
I've finally figured out what i want.
I don't care if you don't understand
My future is in my hands.
One of this days,
you would just pack up and leave.
I'll just return to my lonely state
And i'll just know how to live when u leave.

I have my own life
Shouldnt be too reliant on anyone
Spread my wings and fly alone.
Well, my true friends will stand by me.
And if you cant stand it
just leave.
We just dont see
eye to eye.

Unconcern comments that i rather not have
I rather run away with my frens.
You dont care.
I know you dont
Thanks for adding on
More than anyone has added.
Too much stress
makes people weak
when people come up to you,
then problems start pileing up.
Your body becomes numb,
and you want to go into a little dark room and die.
You want to scream, and yell as loud as you can.
Stress can kill you and make you weak.
But everyone is diffrent.
In my view stress is killing me.
I hate it so much,and being a good friend,
doesn't help much.
cause everyone comes to me.
So now i have problems taller than me.
My tears only fall beacuse I care.

>My Fears left at 12:17 PM